Sunday, February 27, 2011

Ferocious Four?

Is that what they call it? Because MAN... Superkid sure has a knack for being saucy. I mean really... we were destined for challenges when Superdad and I procreated however no one said "by the way you may want to drive your 4yr old out to a forest and drop them without a map".

So yeah- she turned four! See:

Do you see that smirk? That smirk only arrived at 5:31pm- I do believe it is the smirk of a 13yr old girl trapped in a 4yr olds body. That is the smirk that is going to make me want to go on vacation at multiple points through the year.

I mean I am all for raising a spirited and assertive girl, because that is what the world needs more of but because I too was a spirited and assertive only child female it puts an entirely new set of challenges in our life. Like how to survive til the end of the day without driving out to the forest. She's crazy. I'm crazy. We make a good pair.

Anyhow she went from being this fabulously innocent 3yr old:

To a 4yr old with A LOT of her own opinions and a way with words like this:

My favourite quote of today was Superdad "please don't point your fork at me its very rude and daddy doesn't like that". Superkids retort was "um then look I'll point it at my plate and point point point". Thanks... Sauce. I watch the cogs in motion all day long and try not to laugh at her snarky short responses. I spend a great deal of time hiding behind a cupboard or turning my head to snicker. Oh dear... I fear for her school days ahead. She's either going to be the bully or she's going to be the ridiculed one. I really don't want either of those options but I guess I will have to teach her to be an empathetic ridiculed one. Raising girls is HARD.

Oh and as an update to the voodoo doctor for those who are interested to hear the outcome. Well... in usual Supermom fashion I am awful with follow through. I lasted 4 days on the program FOUR days. You know, when you make things taste like fish coated apples and Jaagermister there's a good chance people will spend the $100 it costs to start a regime and then never follow through just because a) it tastes like ass and b) it requires an organized person and memory to take things like fish oil at random intervals with food throughout the day, then to take the other crap at random intervals without food. So thats how they make their money. So now both Superkid and Tank are getting daily smoothies with fish oil. Hey- if I am going to avoid taking it then at least it won't go to waste!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

I bit the bullet....

And booked an appointment with the Voodoo doctor (read: Naturopath). I have battled monthly psychosis for years and it has only gotten worse since the delivery of The Tank... So I blame him for my monthly woes. I must admit I'm quite the skeptic when it comes to taking a shot if this, chew on a weed of that and jump 6 times when getting out of bed in the morning kinda treatment of all things medical. So I dropped 200 bucks for an hour of time and that is supposed to be the start of all things healthy.

Now I arrived with issues such as irritability, anxiety, moodiness and I was waiting... waiting... waiting... for this miracle worker to come and get me. My appointment was for 2:15pm and I promptly arrived 15min prior to my appointment to fill out the necessary health history and there I waited. So my first impression was not that of one who may rave about pseudo-doctor. So she finally came out, apologized for her tardiness, handed her last patient a container of prosto-ease and sent him packing.

We sat and talked about what ails me and she recorded everything I said on her professional 8x11 blank printer paper and then devised this concoction of junk that I'm supposed to remember to take daily and also record all my eatings for 7 days and come back in 3wks. Uh- ok. So this better work or I'll be ticked that I wasted so much money on said voodoo crap.

Omega 3 + Vit D liquid which is supposed to be apple flavoured though really it tastes like day old salmon in a rotting vat of apples. Dose: 2 tsp gagged twice daily.

Vitex tincture which reminds me of jagermeister in my university days only it doesn't result in quite the hangover. Dose: 1 tsp twice daily.

Nervoheel 3-4 times a day and now I'm sure this is just a sugar pill placebo but hey... for 18.99 and relief I'm sure it works wonders on those who believe.

Last but not least the SEED protocol... Whats this you ask? Well its where the big yellow bird in me comes out. Days 1-14 a mixture of Pumpkin and Flax seeds in the amount of 2 TBSP daily and day 15-28 a mixture of sesame and sunflower seeds in the amount of 2 TBSP daily.

There ya have it, the miracle regime that is going to make my monthly woes disappear.

Dun dun duuun duuuuuuun.

Voodooo mooodoooo